Alright so here’s the update;
I am moved into the new house. I went to my doctors appointment on Tuesday. She seems really nice. I haven’t seen a doctor since I was a teenager. The larazpam helps when my panic kicks in. I only had to take one yesterday so that’s a plus. She also prescribed me to prozac. Its day two on it. I feel a little loopy. I slept a lot last night. I took my second pill about an hour ago and I can feel it in my system. I am not sure how long it takes for the this pill to really get into my system and help me. I mostly just feel really tired and lazy as of late. I am trying to make my self get up and do things. I am finding it hard to even do that. I have lost my desire to eat. I am not sure if that happens to everyone. I know its only day 2 on it but I feel I need to write about it to atleast get some things out. I am trying to feel atleast something.
Yesterday I took it in the morning and felt really looped out, I went to my first job and they called me off. I went in to talk to them about possibly quitting because I have found my self working way to much. I am trying to take baby steps to find who I am again. I want to be happy. I feel at best sometimes when I am alone, but I know its not healthy to spend this much time alone. I went to the er yesterday because I was throwing up small traces of blood. it might sound really silly but I can feel the pressure inside my brain change. I just laid down for a moment and shut my eyes that seemed to make me feel better. I just don’t know what to do anymore. Someone out there please talk to me
Alright so here’s the update;
uh-uh, from this day forth, only forward I pedal.
Atmosphere has saved more times than anyone can count on there hands.
update for the week.
Rough week, I was working doubles everyday until thursday. I worked over 40 overs in that time. I was having major panic and had to leave one job early and come home and chill out before I went to the next one. Yesterday was my day off finally. And we moved the kitties in with my new roommate in the morning. The mornings have been the roughest on me because I am alone. And I have been letting my thoughts get to me right away. And yesterday was the day it all over flooded. I got home and my roomies left for work. I was alone, and I couldn’t handle it. I called my mom to have someone to have with me on the line in case something happened and I ended up having a flew blown attack. I couldnt handle moving into another room, bullets of tears falling from my eyes. I took my mothers advice and went into the hospital. One of my best friends who also deals with the same things I do took me in. They ran tests and now I am on a medication to balance me out and keep my thoughts out. It is day one on the medication without anyone watching me to make sure I am ok. It is still hard waking up but it got better. I am going to keep moving. I feel so much better already. I am not at all giving a medication the glory of making everything better but damnit I feel like I can manage my life right now. No more calling crisis lines right now. I am going to start seeing a doctor now and a therapist. Cheers for becoming me again!
Ink and graphite
18 x 40 inches
All but one of these whales is now dead.
Representing the 45 individuals of the southern resident killer whale population that were captured and placed into aquarium facilies around the world. Each is represented as accurately as possible to their true markings.
Moby Doll, the first orca ever captured and put on display 50 years ago, is at the top. Tokitae/Lolita, the only survivor, is at the bottom.
More than 250 bottlenose dolphins have been corralled into Japan’s Taiji Cove this weekend, where young have been selected for a life of captivity and the adults are to be slaughtered for their meat.
So far, a total of 37 dolphins, including a rare albino calf, were taken for a lifetime of captivity. Two have died in the process.
Caroline Kennedy, the recently installed U.S. ambassador to Japan, tweeted that she is “deeply concerned by inhumaneness of drive hunt dolphin killing.”
READ + COMMENT: http://tiny.cc/peoy9w
EMAIL the US Embassy in Japan: http://tiny.cc/7ooy9w
CALL the US Japanese Embassy in DC: 202-238-6700
THANK CNN for covering the story: http://tiny.cc/4soy9w
"I look back with a hesitant laugh
But in reality its dark down memory ave
All the trials and suffering we shared with each other
A lot of people thought that we were actually brothers
You know me, you know I’m a control freak
Who told you, you could die before me?…”
update on my life folks.
I am not writing this for anyone but my self. In the end I have to do this for my self. I have been pushing away trying to get help of any kind from doctors for my mental health. I can not do it anymore on my own. I have seen friends and family do so much better once they go and get the help. I have been denying my self from getting help and it has finally built up to the point where I am becoming self defeating in everything. I was doing well for a long time. Recently while I was visiting my mothers I watched a video we made for ALS. Watching it killed me knowing how I have let my self go thinking I was ok, when in the reality I am not. It is no one but my self. I can not stress it enough that I am not pushing away anyone or trying to blame anyone. It has been me all along who has been the one to cast my self away. I am the one. In these past days I have delayed my need for love, and needing to feel. I cried on the way home yesterday. I cried thinking I am not going to be ok going home, I was scared for my life. And I honestly need to face my fears and realize that my cure is going to be close. I am going to be ok. I am going to be able to know I am me. Who else would I be? The face of panic disorder is rough, and crippling at times. I need to find a happy medium within my self to where I am happy. I am moving in with a best friend who knows how it is when you are afraid. They hold a place in my heart and a large piece at that. It has been a rough couple of days but seeing where I am going to be living and knowing I am going to be safe in my new home is one of the most comforting feels. I have been scared of this transition because it is the 4th place I have lived in this year alone. Knowing I am going to be with someone who knows the faces of a disorder like mine, and can share the feelings is life a hug alone in its self. I am going to be in a great place and be able to change things for the better. I am applying for benefits to go see a therapist, and maybe go on medication to try and balance my chemicals in my body, I have been off this ride for along time. I need to get better, I need to be my self again.
I still want to bulk buy these and adonize batch pink.
Apart from being super cool - which it definitely is - the serrated side cuts through braided rope, and though I haven’t seen it in person I’d be willing to bet money the smallest (“flat phillips”) screwdriver picks handcuffs.
Ladies, this is an escape tool.